That Time When the U.S. Became More Ridiculous than Hogan’s Heroes

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The other day, the monosyllabic Kansas trailer park Congressman chosen by trump to be his CIA stooge before being transferred into his job as our pretend Secretary of State got his dumb on.

He was shipped back to North Korea to try managing them as a bunch or “slant-eyed assets.”  His aide explained to him what an “asset” was before he left, according to Pompeo’s twitter feed.  It was apparent to readers that he was proud to use a new 2-syllable word. 

Anyway, Pompeo knew he had to be on top of his game.  He had a BIGLY handshake and a grand, oversized notecard-in-a-frame to hopefully sign.

Just like daddy did.

Of course, Pompeo came across like the ignorant clown he is, and the North Koreans chided both him and trump as soon as he was out of Korean airspace. 

New York Times  –>  https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/07/world/asia/mike-pompeo-north-korea-pyongyang.html

And, that’s completely understandable.  Sad, and angering to see any country — let alone North Korea — treating America like that.  But, can they be blamed?  I mean, while I ABHOR the Dick Cheney, I took some comfort knowing that when he was anywhere with anyone he inspired a good quivering.  His counterparts around the globe knew there was some REAL fire in the room shooting from his demonic snout-holes.

 

Even the little Kim Jung Juniors that Pompeo was allowed to keep company with could recognize a turd in a punch bowl.  They recognized trump’s envoy as the  court jester he is after a casual glance at his comical mug.  They saw clear as mom’s spring-cleaned windows that the trump Reich are their inferiors.  They KNOW they consistently out-class, out-maneuver, and out-think all of them.

And, you know that China’s Intelligence is prepping Jong Un’s team.  We are being represented by some real colonel Klink slapstick blitzkrieg morons. We’re out-classed by dregs of the world.

That makes US dreggier than the dregs

Until we rid the U.S. of trump and his entire Reich, we don’t stand a chance.  God help us.

#RESIST  #GOTV  #BLUEWAVE  #FLIPCONGRESS

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Justin and Donald

Justin and Donald.  Backstory in a nutshell:  Trump announced new tariffs against Canada.  Said they were justified because 9-11.  Oh, because national security.  That’s just dumb as shit, but, that wasn’t all.  Oh no, that wasn’t all.  Trump and top aides assailed Trudeau as a “weak” and dishonest” back-stabber who deserves a place in hell because Trudeau dared say that Canada might return fire if fired upon.

Washington Post  –>  https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/asia_pacific/canada-us-relations-at-a-low-after-trudeau-trump-trade-tiff/2018/06/14/fe23e718-6f89-11e8-b4d8-eaf78d4c544c_story.html

So, trump put his big boy pants on, jumped into Air Force One, and took a big ol’ crap in them, almost like it was on command.  And, Bill Maher reacted in kind.  Hats off and mad, mad props to his staff. This is their parody of the 1960’s Highlights Magazine feature, Goofus and Gallant.

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It was a cartoon series for kids that taught them how to not be an asshole.

New day.  New archetypes.  New Goofus.  Bill Maher delivers.  Meet:

Justin and Donald.

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You get the gist.  Enjoy:

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And you have to end the bit with a swipe at Melania.  Because she is effing complicit with EVERYTHING the douchebag pretend king has done.  You could say, a mail order FECKLESS CUNT (we love you, Samantha Bee).

Donald and Justin 13

By the way, in case you missed the “feckless cunt” episode, Samantha Bee had some much deserved criticism for Ivanka Trump for tweeting a sweet photo of her loving her little daughter on the same day it broke that her father was in charge of tearing little children from the arms of mothers by the thousands.  From her show:

“Ivanka Trump, who works at the White House, chose to post the second most oblivious tweet we’ve seen this week,” Bee said. “You know, Ivanka, that’s a beautiful photo of you and your child, but let me just say, one mother to another, do something about your dad’s immigration practices you feckless cunt!”

Right wing echo chamber media led by FOX News loudly chanted in uniform that this equated somehow to the racist vomit that Roseanne Barr spit up all over herself — that Samantha Bee should be fired like Barr.  Read all about it:

The Daily Beast   –>  https://www.thedailybeast.com/samantha-bee-tears-into-feckless-cunt-ivanka-trump

Gag This, Son

Well, it looks like poor goombah Mikey Cohen’s attempt to gag his tormentor from going on the teevee and making him look dumb. I was wondering if a judge duct taped Avenatti up and put him to sleep with the fishes.

Then, Lawrence O’Donnell came on while I was eating dinner.

Avenatti Not Gagged WP Preview

Yeah, it was as funny to the poor judge as it was to me.

Mikey, if you don’t want to be prosecuted on RICO action, ya might want to not be acting like a wannabe mobster who never got made.

NBC –> https://www.nbcnews.com/news/crime-courts/judge-declines-order-avenatti-stop-talking-about-cohen-case-n883816https://www.nbcnews.com/news/crime-courts/judge-declines-order-avenatti-stop-talking-about-cohen-case-n883816

Trump May Never Have Champions in the White House

It is difficult for Trump to share in the honor that every president since sports has bestowed on national champions. Football Teams. Basketball and Baseball Teams. Et cetera, et cetera.

It is difficult for Trump to find championship athletes to agree to be in the same room with him because not only is he just ignorant; mean; misogynist and rapey; he’s just disgusting and appears contagious. Champions — just average humans who respect themselves and pride in not living in squalor — go to lengths to avoid being in the same room with him on general sanitary grounds. But, champion athletes, you can’t field a team in pretty much any sport anymore without having a little bit of brown sugar in the mix.

Jamaican Bobsled WP

Trump never figured that black and brown brothers and sisters would ever turn down the chance to be around the likes of his kind. How would the little roaches dare?”

But, dare, they did. So, this year was turning out to be a bust for the pretend king Donald. The college champion Villanova Wildcats laughed him off, attending a children’s piano recital at their college president’s mansion, instead. Oh wait. The Philadelphia champs showed up gleefully to pay respects to their hero in the Oval office.

Oh wait . . .

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They visited the OBAMA White House. Trump hates Philadelphia. “Dirty-ass Pennsylvania losers,” he calls them, forgetting that Pennsylvania was an important state that Russia helped him steal to secure the coup. Oops.

Then, unfortunately, Philadelphia did it again. Poor trump. Old moron has Rodney Dangerfield luck. On the heels of those criminally black’d up Wildcat stealing honor from the “Greatening of America,” the Philadelphia Eagles NFL football champions stole the thunder from his all-trump-all-the-time Patriots. Of course those “coloreds” all pretty much found better things to do the day they were invited to kiss the idiot’s ring. Turns out most of them had to be mowing on their lawns and, oops, couldn’t make it.

How dare they?

Play king Donald couldn’t stand the embarrassment of throwing a party and having no one show up, so he uninvited them at the last minute and had a “give the military a good hummer” party, instead. Filled the rafters with a bunch of suckers who would be “on-the-clock required” to attend, LOL.

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New York Times –> https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/05/us/politics/trump-philadelphia-eagles-white-house-visit.html

All was looking bleak for the old boy. No one wanted to come, and now, both NBA teams playing for the championship this year preemptively told the Donald that if either of them won, well, Donald could respectfully go eat a bag of dicks — which is less about eating bags full of actual penises and more about effing off, the way the kids suggest it be done (link).

[note: by now, you know that the Golden State Warriors won the NBA Finals. You know that even if they weren’t disgusted by the idea of being around Trump because he’s an unapologetic, pathetic bigot, he’s a foreign enemy of every Californian. No golden state son or daughter; sister or brother; on any team or in any group would accept an invitation to be in the same building — let alone room with him while he is openly at war with California.]

So, no matter what could have happened with the NBA — short of a time warp to a championship team prior to Wilt Chamberlain opening the floodgates to “the darkening” of the sport, as trump calls it — no NBA team was ever going to suck up to a trump White House. Bummer, racist, old white man. No ball for you.

So, imagine the glee wrapped in a sloppy hamburger for trump when he learned that the whitest team in the whitest professional sport just won a wildly-historic championship right there in the town that trump carpetbag-coup’d into!

Congratulations, to the Washington Capitals!

Sports Illustrated –> https://www.si.com/nhl/2018/06/08/washington-capitals-win-stanley-cup-final-over-golden-knights

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Trump was reportedly salivating at the chances that his naive base would be pleased that the Donald would finally be able to con some fellow bigots into his lair to show everyone just how other tough cookies pledge loyalty to papa trump.

“They all carry tiki torches, right? I mean, just look at them.” said trump. According to sources (rumored to be Kellyanne Conway).

Washington Capitals Dude WP

Unfortunately for trump, the Capitals, too, declined his desperate invitation. As it turns out, six of the Capitals players are on either probation or parole and can not be around this White House even if they wanted to. Their probation / parole officers confirmed that it would be a violation of their continued release from prison to associate with felons or people under criminal investigation by the FBI.

There is a loophole that can still get them there. As the Washington Capitals coach, Barry Trotz explains:

They can all go. Thing is, that douchebag Trump would just have to stay in one of his tacky hotels,” he said. Allegedly. “And, he’ll have to keep his vice president with him. And, that swampy cabinet; and his creepy family. Maybe Barack Obama would feel safe to fill in. I’d go.

Republican in Cali? #SAD

Steele Pee Wee Mr Six

On Katy Tur’s show this morning, a man impersonating the dancing happy-guy, Mr. Six crossed with Pee Wee Herman somehow conned his way in front of a camera dressed as a leprechaun.

He was billed as a debate opponent for Bob Shrum about the effects of yesterday’s primary results in California.  If you aren’t familiar with Bob Shrum, he’s one of the most respected and lettered scholars in the political sciences and arts.

Wikipedia –> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Shrum

The clown who dressed up as the village idiot turned out to be Shawn Steele.  California’s chair in the Republican National Committee (NRC).

After two minutes of scripted idiocy, including the bigoted anti-Hispanic rich boy’s hideously racist jab at neighboring Los Angeles as a 3rd world country due to its number of Latino and Latina residents, Shrum was visibly annoyed.  It looked and sounded like he was about to knock his teeth down his throat.

BREAKING Bernie News!

American Cancer Society WP

According to reports, Bernie Sanders has taken a job in the private sector with the ACA.  Seems the ACA has been doing tons of research on the Bern-or-Bust superhero’s powers!  Seems that whenever Bernie endorses cancer, it loses all will and folds!

Black and Blue Hand

The other day, someone sent out a request that we “Resisters” send all of our Republican “friends” a nice holiday card with a black reindeer on a sleigh being pulled by a bunch of gay reindeer (although, I don’t know how you’d draw gay worker beasts in action, but I digress).

I thought, why not take it a step further.  I think someone should send all Republican elected assholes a nice card with a black hand on it to let them all know what they need to keep their eyes open for.

Dem Black Hand WP

BTW:  This is a nod to the letters our Irish pals all got in Peaky Blinders.

Netflix  –>  https://www.netflix.com/title/80002479

The Alter-Net Was Supposed to Be Last Cast in the 90’s

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OK.  This is a little essay about a journalist I’m torn about.  So, I’m just going to lay it out and let the chips fall where they may.  Maybe it will serve as a collection of unsolicited advice to him and make him a better writer for it.  Who knows.  In this day and age, it will probably be taken as an attack and I’ll end up absorbing blows and other forms of insult for it — from him and his supporters, alike.

Oh well.  I have never been one to shy away from trouble, so here it is.

Bill Palmer and his hyper-popular resistance blog, the Palmer Report (LINK).  You either love him, or you hate him.  If you love him, it’s because he says all the right things about just the right person that you despise:  Donald Trump.

If you hate him, it’s because you consider him a conspiracy theorist and a hack of a journalist.

I am both of these critics.

I’ll start by saying I love his writing.  Technically and artistically, he’s sound as a pound.  Sterling silver.  I haven’t seen his C.V., but I must deduce from reading hundreds of pages of his copy that he has a degree in creative writing.  I dig this in any writer.  When you can tell they’ve been formally trained.  Mentored at some point in their studies.  So, point to Bill.

As a game theorist and investigative journalist, I adore his ability to connect dots.  His knack for breaking wild, bucking theoretical broncos into a logical corral is gold-medal quality stuff.  Say what you want about his theories, they always make a lot of logical sense.

But, that’s where it ends, for me.  There’s a laundry list of issues he needs to improve upon before he gets my seal of approval.

I’ll kick it off with his presentation.  Not many of the people who will be reading this know that I was once a website “information architect.”  Not a website designer.  Oh, my, no.  That’s a whole other set of skills way out of my purview (regardless of my insistence on once playing the amateur web designer out of a cocksure insistence on rocking all things pixelated).  The firm I was with in the mid 2000’s contracted that artistic specialty out to a crack team of the “Mexican” intellectual labor of Europe: the Polish (they work on the cheap like our Southern neighbors).

Back to the concept of info-architecture (and I swear it is relevant, here).  It’s doubtful you even know what an info-architect is (I mean, why would you)?  Quick primer:  they  dream up how a website will best be presented — aesthetically and functionally — then they  send the plans to designers, who then make it work; and to the graphic designers, who pretty it up, proper.

Palmer doesn’t have the expertise to design blueprints for even the most basic website, and certainly has no design or artistic expertise.   He doesn’t have the skills, and as you’ll see below, he doesn’t have the resources to farm it out, either.  Because he has neither, his website looks little better than the old, painfully-ugly Angelfire websites of the 1990’s:

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So, it’s ugly.

That’s one thing.  But, layered into it is a SPAM garden of foul.  You’ll notice in the screen-grab above, the bevy of spam advertisements throughout.  Sickly ads that pay his bills while he writes.   Unfortunately for Bill, he has no editorial control over who gets to advertise on his website, so he ends up with non-FDA approved Viagra substitutes and penis enlargement devices alongside Russian dating service ads.

It all just takes away from any credibility his content may have had.

Then there’s the journalistic credibility issues.

As good as the logical hypotheses he may make, his journalistic techniques and general ethics are sorely lacking.  For example, when he does provide source links, they lead back to his former essays as if they are legitimate source for his claims.  It is a rarity that he provides any outside links to back up his claims.  As if the reader is supposed to take his word for the veracity of the dots he is connecting.

It doesn’t work like that, and even a first-year undergraduate in a journalism program knows this as rote.  He / she was already well-versed in this set of rules by the time he / she graduated high school.  So, shame on Bill Palmer for that.

Then, to top it off, Palmer ends every article with a cup in an outstretched hand, begging for spare change.  Worse, he follows even that with a request for his users to visit another group of clickbait websites from which he will enrich himself a little more.

And, worse on top of worse, Palmer ends with a “gimme your email address” request under the guise of offering you his articles before he publishes.  This, first of all, isn’t honest, as you receive the articles in your inbox simultaneously as they are published.  And, secondly, your email ends up used to send other offers from 3rd party advertisers to further “go fund him.”

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In a nutshell, as much as I love reading Bill Palmer’s content in his Palmer Report (LINK), I can never suggest it to any respectable reader.  It’s not even worthy toilet reading,  Sorry Bill.  And, sorry loyal readers of his blog (I know a handful). There are better outlets to satiate your thirst for Trump takedown news.

Source in media — especially citizen media — is king.   It is pretty apparent that Bill Palmer doesn’t get this concept.  His technique gives his creative fancy and apparently his wallet their freedom to maintain their “independence.”  But, they don’t do the pursuit of the journalistic art any justice.  If you are in the market for good citizen journalism — reporting based on ethics the ethics of truth and sourcing to back it up, might I recommend Magnana Mouse (LINK)?

Magnana Mouse is a magazine that is easily as opinionated as a Bear Jew (shout out to Quintin Tarantino’s extreme Nazi-hunter saga’s hero, Donnie Donowitz, the “Bear Jew“).  Thick in unforgiving opinion, but steeped in source uber alles.  More PBS than even MSNBC, as, for better or worse, it’s strictly not-for-profit.

I am one of two writers at the blog, along with a writer who goes by Johnny S. Doe.  John is a former analyst for a non-partisan think tank, and now manages a team of U.S. Congressional staff chiefs, coordinating them under the wing of the same firm he was once with.  As interesting as his position is, he doesn’t ever write about the inner-workings of what he does (as much as I would like  it if he would.  Since taking the position he’s currently in, his writing consists of editing my essays and adding / removing content.

But, it’s good.  And, I also get to use it as an outlet to keep my artistic, as well as my journalistic swords sharp.  I do all of the design, too.  Then, there’s the Facebook Page, Magnana Mouse Citizen Media sister page on Facebook.  If you’re on that social media black hole, please follow us there, too (LINK). And, of course, there’s Twitter (LINK).  If you tweet, please follow us there!

Magnana Mouse Ring Kiss STILL
https://www.facebook.com/MagnanaMouseCitizenMedia/

 

Alex Jones Felled by a Child

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Alex Jones sends creepy teenage pedo-bears out into the heart of RESISTANCE profiles to accost children.  Fortunately, these childrens’ parents teach them to look out for creepy stalker-men working for Nazi front-groups.

Enjoy watching one of them nut-punch one of the InfoWars minions:

Alex Jones Has a Sad, Flips on Trump, Republicans

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You know things are going South for Trump and the Republican Party when Alex Jones spends an entire webisode of his InfoWars show railing on the Ruling Bossman White Supremacist set. He was even — next to Bannon — perhaps Trump’s most ardent supporter in media (my how FOX has fallen). But, Jones even dumps a truckload of horse crap on Trump’s shine.

What to do? Should all Republicans jump ship and sail into the sunset with David Duke? It’s such a confusing time.